A lot of discontented incident happen this month. My mood wasn’t that good due to emotional distracted. There is condition that link to fear and complex emotions that trigger my ed/b. I am so disappointed with myself all over again of losing the battle. In conclusion, I still need the new formula medicine that prescribes to me. Today, I went to the hotel coffee garden to calm myself. No one is distracting my thinking. I don’t want to hear distracting sound! I don’t want to see and talk with sarcastic people! I don’t want to hear any bad words! After much thinking, I finally make a final decision (^.^).
A note to myself “ No pain no gain”. Fighting!
I become very conscious in terms of personal taste. I use to hate flower but my perception had change. If you look more narrowly, you will see the beautiful flower blooming time lapse. Here are a few floral collections that I would like to show it at my blog.
1) Floral handkerchief
2) The Body Shop Lavender Home Fragrance Oil that I usually diffuse right before bed for a good nights sleep because I’m combat with insomnia. I am suffer from insomnia not because of coffee or tea is just my mine is playing a trick with me (if you get what I mean). Lavender Lampe Berge Essential Oils is still the best but is way too expensive.
3) Crabtree & Evelyn Gardeners Hand Therapy
1) I use rosebud to add aromatic in my drinks like homemade hot chocolate and milk tea.
1) My signature perfume from DKNY Be Delicious Fresh Blossom.
A blend of sparkling grapefruit, cassis, and sunkissed apricot meets a blooming floral heart of sheer muguet and petally rose wrapped in luminous jasmine
2) Coach Poppy Flower Body Lotion
Sweetly scented jasmine and gardenia blend with fresh cucumber and candied rose petals in this pretty, lighthearted fragrance.
3) Victoria’s Secret – Secret Charm Fragrance Mist & Body Cream
An irresistible, fresh fragrance. Enchant in Secret Charm, a bright bouquet of fresh honeysuckle captivated by soft jasmine.
1) Uniqlo under licence from Greengate.dk scarf inspire from antique French and English rustic floral patterns and prints.
2) Naruko Marjoram and Lavender Classy Brightening Night Gelly.
1) Wash my cloth with FAB with freshener of Lavender
These days I reminisce back my vivacity. I realize and criticism on how life can be tedious sometimes. I think I have overworked, tired and not in the best moods. How much I realize every day life can be taxing and it can be easy to get mired and doldrums. Never certainly feel enjoy the implication of life besides chasing for materialistic items. What I want to accomplish now is to break the chain of fear and trying fresh possessions.
I was thinking on self-travelling or travel with “click” friend besides oMgs. Is really hard to find such a click friend who has similar hobbies, thinking and topics to talk. If you notice me in person, I don’t talk and going out with huge group of friend unless I was force to.
My first brother finally bought me a DSLR camera as for my graduation present. I use to be inspired to take photo back in university life but now my life is entirely about work. I think I need to spare some time for photography session and learn new skill using DSLR camera.
I always wanted to go for British High Tea or better know as Afternoon Tea. This is one of my wish list foods to try unfortunately I couldn’t finish all the food by myself. 90% of my friend and also my family don’t really know how to enjoy classy food.
Again, I’m going to stress out that not everyone love to experiment contemporary food beside Malaysian, Japanese, Korean, Western, Thai and Taiwanese cuisine. This type of food is very comment in Malaysia. I want something different such as Italian, French, Mexican and Spanish cuisine. I have tested all but I prefer make it for fine dining or maybe for special occasion. Besides that, I also want to explore new café, restaurant and pastries. I think it is very hard to achieve this because my driving and direction skill = FAIL.
I want to go to the seaside before sunrise or sunset (I hate outdoor activities). I want to glimpse the transformation of the sky and listen the sound of waves crashing on the rocks. I feel peaceful as if nothing could bring me down. The tranquil weather will be perfect day for dinner. I am imagining staying at Bora Bora Island. Lol…Why do I sound like perfect gentlemen?
Be more confidence with my own skin. Due to my past traumatic experience I always fear of so many things that hinder me to go any further in life. But this time I’m trying to break the wall that I’m still struggling on. I hate to tell myself “Please give me some time” “This is the last one”. That’s my excuses for me to flee from problems, which I never solve it.
I want to plant or buy Lavender flower unfortunately I have no idea where to get it and I believe is hard to get it over here. The meaning of lavender is really unique to symbolize myself. Lavender color is associated with spiritual healing, tranquillization, purity, silence, devotion and caution.
Take care and have a pleasant day ahead!
First of all, I would like to thank my readers who give me so much support from my previous personal post. How should I describe my life? Is kind like hard for me to explain everything in details. In conclusion, precise word is called “revolutionize”. 2013 is a year where I leap to another growing up process. I’m mentally and physically exhausted. If you know me well, I’m not a type of person who can show up my emotion. Perhaps music is a way to express my sentiment. I do keep everything to myself. In fact, accumulation emotion weights my heart so badly. Is wobbly! I’ve had such an up and down week from curbing my disorder, try my best to perform well in working life and try to manage my time. Sincerely I don’t think I was happy at all on what I am doing now. But I’m still working hard to make things better.
I keep questioning myself the same unanswered question? Seriously I wish I could just let go this burden. Perhaps I still need some time. What’s the point when I have everything I want in my life but soreness is still there? I truly appreciate all the materialistic given to me so easily and also a never-ending loves poring down for me.
I am a type of person who always deliberates to future and the outcome that I want to achieve in 5 years from now. Some people may think, “This is enough for me”, “I am satisfied with it”. To me, I think there should be more challenge to go and obstacle that I need to face. Building my career is one of a challenge to me right now. Well, no one knows what’s the future outcome but at least I need to see some light at current momentum. I want to see my laughter; I want to see my smile; I want to see myself as a person.
I don’t feel comfortable to talk about my illness. Perhaps you may just search back previous post back in 2012. I’m still struggling with it. But I believe I’m getting much better starting this month. My illness is sort of unstable. It may trigger out of sudden. I see some improvement due to my busy schedule that I plan to carry out in order to curb my infirmity. I have already stop forcing myself to eating something that I don’t normally eat. I don’t really want to imagine my 5-month of eating suck and hell food for lunch. I was almost hospitalizing due to my bulimia. I already take prevention starting this month due to my less appetite (changing of medication) and also frequently going back to my house instead of joining them to have a lunch. I feel very stress when they ask me “Where do you want to eat?” because we just don’t have the same taste bud or click. My plan goes on smoothly. So far so good….The only sweet memories I have about food will be a surprise Starbucks Green Tea Frappuccino on my office table. Seriously my mood change 360 degree. I’m very loyal to Starbucks. I really wish to get another surprise. E Lin please wakes up la! Don’t daydream so much. Another sweet food memory will be eating my lunch at Winter Warmers because I feel very relaxing eating my lunch.
Finally, my probation period is over. My manager brings the conformation letter for me to sign and I was like thank god. My hard work paid off. I was thinking too much because I felt like I had never really contribute anything to engineering and production, I feel like my work is totally rubbish, I feel like no one appreciate my work, I feel like I was left alone, I feel like I’m jobless, I feel like I am not capable at all and so on and on… Now I really believe what my project supervisor had told me before graduating. He taught me a lot and he fails me too. I may not be the top student but he is the one who found the other affirmative side of me.
I’m so sorry about this post. I am too emotional which can’t be illustrated. This is why “There’s a grief that can’t be spoken”. Tears are shed of thoughts. I’m just silently cry, I’m sad, I’m sad. As the tears endlessly flow, the sorrow will departed for a while time. I may not be as sturdy as some people. Perhaps, I’m just hiding myself and close my heart. Listen to their voices, my tears were falling. I know my life has been enriched by these wonderful encounters yet sorrow conquest over happiness. Numbness filled my heart. I am battling with myself. Just for once, please let me win the battle. It’s okay if it’s a little late, but for once let me be the winner for myself and finally let the sorrow infused deep into the sea.
Chronology which lingering on my brain is killing me. It haunt me again. Shouldn’t it be over? It has past for so many years but somehow something just stimulate my brain. More than just a nightmare for me. My sleeping was so miserable which ended with insomnia.
At time, it is really difficult to live with the pain and the unknown reason of why it happened. My emotions welled up and tears rolled down my cheeks.